The other day, I went through a drive thru at Dairy Queen. I can’t stand when you drive up, fully prepared to order a simple meal and then you receive a “shock and awe” smackdown from the person on the other end of the speaker. There are so many choices, it quickly turns from fast food into the slowest, most exhausting experience a fat person can have at a fast food establishment. And then, apparently in an effort to make things even worse, the person cuts you off mid-sentence before you can even finish ordering!
Here is a (highly overdramatic) look at what transpired:
- Employee: May I take your order?
- Me: Yes, let me get the chicken tenders with a medium…
- Employee: Would you like that crispy or grilled
- Me: Umm, crispy please. And then let me have a small…
- Employee: Would you like that cooked in peanut oil or coconut oil?
- Me: Umm, I have no…
- Employee: Would you like dipping sauce for the chicken?
- Me: I have a choice of sauce? What flavors do you…
- Employee: You can choose from honey mustard, ranch, original, light, extra spicy, medium spice, half and half or extra extra light bleu cheese
- Me: Give me honey mustard
- Employee: Ok, and would you like to add a frosty instead of a Pepsi for 30 cents more?
- Me: No thanks
- Employee: Are you sure, it’s a great deal! And you get a free kid’s toy
- Me: I don’t have kids. No thanks.
- Employee: Ok, and would you like to donate $1 to the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure?
- Me: Umm, no thanks, I am in a hurry
- Employee: And would you like to register as an Oregon voter today?
- Me: Are you kidding me? No, I just want a meal!
- Employee: Are you a registered organ donor? You could help save a life!
- Me: You know what, nevermind. Thanks, I will go to Taco Bell.
- Employee: Ok, but there is a $5 “cancelled order fee”. Please pull around to pay the fee so we can allow you to exit the drive thru lane
- Me: Ok, now you have gone too far
Sure, it’s exaggerated. They didn’t ask me to be an organ donor. I added that one for dramatic effect.