There are two things you don’t do to a fat person:  you don’t reach in front of them to grad something off their plate, because I guarantee you will lose at LEAST one finger and maybe some of your wrist if I have enough time.  And you DO NOT cut in line, because I will cut a bitch!

The other day, my mother and I were at the Fred Meyer gas station, waiting patiently in what could arguably be the longest line to get $3.26 gas.  There were several lanes, and we were waiting for the car in front of us to get out of the way, so we could put more money directly into the pockets of the gas company executives.   After several long, boring moments, the car finally pulled away.  I was slightly confused by the fact that the gas tank cap was on the OTHER side of the vehicle, but I reluctantly began to roll forward to see if they would give me a dirty look – keep in mind, in Oregon you are not allowed to pump your own gas, I think because we don’t follow instructions well.

Before I could take my place next to the pump, a silver Toyota Sienna minivan that clearly appeared to be having braking and acceleration problems flew forward and took my spot.  As the anger grew in the pit of my stomach, I moved into another spot  that happened to become available.  As I rolled into the space, I stared down the young, stupid woman in the minivan, hoping she would look up.  Of course, because she is a moron, she did.  Seemingly unaware – I don’t see how – of the events that had transpired, she looked over at me and smiled.  Immediately, I jumped into action and did the only thing that seemed logical at the time:  I flipped her off.  Watching her smile quickly change to a facial expression of confusion and disbelief helped me to overcome my anger and move on.

Hopefully she will think again before she jumps in front of someone, and she will probably look around wondering if the fat, gay guy who flipped her off is watching.  And yes, I will be.