Some things are not meant to go into squeezeable bottles. The worst culprit is the mayonnaise. Whoever worked at the mayonnaise factory and thought it was an excellent idea to take a thick, congealed mass made out of eggs, oil and God knows what else and place it into a bottle is only the second stupidest person on the face of this world.  The first idiot is the boss of said person, who thought it would be great to mass produce it. Of course, I am not including Herman Cain, that goes without saying.

First, there is no easy way to get the mayo out of the bottle.  You just have to turn it upside down and beat it on the kitchen counter to within an inch of its life – or 10 minutes – whichever comes first.  Second, there is about 1/3 cup of mayo that’s left in the bottle and can never be removed, so you throw away more than you are able to eat.  In the end, you take a loss on the bottle.

So kids, what did we learn from this excercise?  Some things are better left untouched in their original form.  This goes for mayonnaise, Facebook, Hot Pockets crust, Sierra Mist’s original flavor and Toyota (just in general).  Yes folks, I went there.